By Salina M. Brilla

One day my son went to visit my grandma at her house
She took him into the other room and unbuttoned her blouse
A part of her body she 'd carried with her since puberty had been removed
Because of some cancerous toxins her body didn't know with what to do
He'd had fun on his visit anyway and was careful when he sat on her lap.
She was very tired though and needed lots of long undisturbed restful naps
A few months later we went together to see her for a week
Kemo had taken her hair and the color from her cheeks
But she didn't look sore when we walked in the door
On her face she wore a grin which welcomed us in
and we sat and talked about how things had been
The next mourning I cooked breakfast for us all
while the kids played outside with sticks and a ball
sitting letting my stomach settle my grandma said Salina put out your hand
and in it she dropped a prostetic breast and said how'd ya like to carry one of these on your chest
I was horrified by the weight and imagined for a second what it would feel like under my skin
Could I carry around something not made of my own tissue just to fit in
To grotesque it seemed to me to have something inside me not made of me
Things inside you that can't get out isn't that how grandma's cancer came about,
She told me of other ladies she knows in her same condition
and of ones whos cancer is now in remission
One story she told me I'll never forget
of a married lady who's husbands logic we didn't get
He was so upset at the idea of his wife having one breast
She almost didn't remove it and could have been laid to rest
My grandma told him you stupid old fool my husband didn't marry me because of my boobs
and if you don't feel the same you jackass I hope it's you find laying in a casket
Isn't that right daddy she said to my grandpa
who smiled and nodded at her still in awe
That day we got dressed to go take a swim
something grandma has always done with us kids
her black bathing suit had a breast pocket to fill
she put a red ballon in it and we were off down the hill
grandma connonballed into the water and out came the balloon
the boys screamed and shouted get grandmas boob
They splashed and they raced until one yelled I got it
heres your boob grandma don't you want it
she chuckled a little embarressed I was sure
To hell with it she laughed go play with it some more
My grandma has always been confident and never thought of herself as pathetic
she became determined to find better and more comfortable breast prostetics
She filled an old sock with beans, an old sock with more socks
she even bought a coconut bra she could use her knuckles to knock.
The boys of course thought all this was funny
and my grandpa supported his strange little honey
Time went on and chemo took her hair too
now she was bald with only one boob
But when my son's birthday came around
They drove 2 and a half hours into town
We celebrated at a bowling alley grandma took score and added the tallies
she didn't wear her wig for it was itchy and scratchy
instead she wore a head wrap with clothes that were matching
We took many pictures that day and when they came back
all the ones of her had something strange in the back
At first glance it appeared to be smoke
but how could that be when everyone was outside taking their tokes
It surrounded only her and didn't seem to take up space
it made no distinct image and had no real face
I thought perhaps it was illness or death stalking her
but now I know it was her angel standing right beside her
She made it through the chemo and heart surgery too
all the while she never seemed very blue
I'm sure she had her moments and grandpa can confirm
at times she wanted to give up and become food for the worms
But she's still here with us always making me laugh
teaching me to be strong and how not to hold back
So many things as a child I didn't like about her
have proven to be the most valuable lessons I've learned
I don't have to like you but I do love you is a phrase she had often said to me
while I was out doing many bad things
Today that phrase for me is crystal clear
perhaps because I have my own little dears.
I know I love people I don't always like
and those that I like I don't care enough about even to fight
I know how to love without any conditions
How to fight against wrongs and hold down my position
I can stand up to a man much bigger than me
and wear clothes I like that make others stare at me
All because a short, round, toothless, old lady with only one boob
showed me through example how I can be that way too!

Submitted By butterfly

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