Early in the spring, when things were just beginning to bloom, my husband, Ken, and I were walking on a country road near our home. Ken, the owner of a tree nursery and a native plant expert, pointed into a lightly forested area and asked, "Do you see that flower?” He was gesturing to the ground quite some distance away. "Where?” I asked. I couldn't see anything. I strained. I tried very, very hard to see what he described as a small while flower on the forest floor. No luck. After a few minutes of searching, I finally saw it. A tiny white flower (something suitably rare and special in my husband's world) was peeping out of the light green grass beginning to grow up from the ground.

You see, Ken lives in the world of plants. He sees things through a "lens” that most of us will never look through. From the tiniest flower to a leafless tree in winter in the distance on the side of the highway - he can see these things and identify them. I am able to do it only after many years of marriage. But I don't routinely see things as he does - through his lens - although I know he appreciates it when I do.

This is a common problem for managers and leaders in the workplace. They are unable to "see” (or hear and understand) through the lens of another. It is not unusual for me to coach an individual around seeing things the way others may see them. But when they do catch that glimpse, it's magical. The result? When we can see through the lens of another, we create mutual trust and understanding, which in turn helps to create better relationships in the workplace.

Can you remember a time when you truly felt heard and understood? What did you observe about the person you were talking with? There are three primary tools for "seeing” through the lens of another:

1. Non-judgment: Staying open to what the other person is saying. Asking open-ended questions to dive deeper in meaning and understanding.

2. Presence: Being "in the moment.” Truly focusing on what the other person is saying.

3. Deep, active listening: Listening for what is not being said as well as what is being said. Paying attention to inflection, tone and body language. Reflecting back what you hear.

We all "see” differently, but we all assume others see things through the same lens. With some practice, you can learn to truly listen, be present and be nonjudgmental. Chances are that you will then be able to see through the lens of the other person, thus modeling a leadership behavior that promotes trust and understanding.