The most important factor is what we do with our anger. How we manage our anger makes all the difference.

Pop psychology once taught that the way to handle anger was to express it all, to let it all out. That's another way to inflame the anger, as it can keep you stirred up, and then the anger feeds on itself.

We have choices

One choice we have when we are angry is to defuse it. Anger, and especially what we do with it, is always a choice.

No one makes us do anything in response to our anger.

How to manage anger and what we do with it begins with understanding from where it comes. It is rarely, if ever, the first emotion we feel.

The big 3 emotions

In order to get angry, you first must feel something else, and it's usually frustration, hurt or fear, or some combination of these three big emotions.

So, one powerful way to defuse your anger is to stop and ask yourself which of the big three you are really feeling, and then deal with that.

When you effectively deal with the big three, you will have made great strides in managing your anger.