We are pleased to have two sisters, Dale and Karen, with us today. Based on their own experiences and knowledge they have co-authored an innovative, uplifting, and pragmatic self-help book designed to reignite relationships that have grown stale. Welcome to Reader Views.

Juanita: Karen, you have been a psychologist specializing in marital work for over 20 years. How common is it for couples to find their relationship has become flat and lifeless?

Karen: It's a very common problem. Most of us come into our marriages with expectations based on what we've seen in the movies and read in romance novels. Initially, our relationships are exciting and both partners are so invested in each other. Then the reality of everyday living takes place and the couple feels their relationship is not what it's supposed to be.

Juanita: Do you feel that most couples get to the point of considering divorce before they are willing to take action?

Karen: Yes, unfortunately. Most couples don't call me until they are really in trouble and at that point it takes a lot of work to get them back from all the hurt feelings and sense of hopelessness.

Juanita: How has your own marital problems influenced the making of this book and has it changed how you help your clients in your practice?

Karen: For many years, I thought my marriage was perfect. It turned out that, just like we state in the book, gradually over time, I realized that I just wasn't happy. Neither was my husband. We spoke about our choices and decided that we wanted to try and make things work. Each of us was willing to put in the time and to take responsibility for our part in the relationship. Each of us was willing to look at the other person's side of the story. A lot of what my husband and I did to make things better, became techniques I offered my clients. But most of all, it allowed me to let them know that marriages can be saved and be stronger than they were before!

Juanita: Karen, not only are you a practicing psychologist, you conduct workshops and seminars with the underlying theme of "Choice.” Please tell your readers of you endeavors and how they may contact you.

Karen: I offer information to help people with their relationship to themselves and to one another and I do this in a number of ways - through workshops, teleseminars, books, speeches, CDs, articles, and a newsletter. Lots of times I'm quoted in the media. The best way to find out about my work is through my website: www.drkarensherman.com.

Juanita: Dale, you are a Communications consultant, also conducting workshops and presentations helping people develop a professional image in business. Please tell us more about your work and how has your profession contributed to the content of "Marriage Magic!”?

Dale: Thank you for asking, Juanita. How other people sound, is my business. What I mean by that is I work with clients to ensure that they make a positive impression when they communicate in business interactions. This includes all facets of communication such as speaking on the phone, in meetings, networking, public speaking, interviewing, and even over the internet! My focus is always about paying attention to other people, ensuring that you actively listen to what they're saying and making sure you use this information when you deliver your message to them. These principles have the same impact in our personal relationships and that's how I applied them to "Marriage Magic!"

Juanita: Your respective careers and experiences merge effortlessly, providing a refreshing perspective that will undoubtedly achieve results. What was your motivation for writing "Marriage Magic!”?

Karen: I really believe that I've been a marriage therapist since I'm eight and professionally for over 20 years. Especially since I had gone through problems in my own marriage and seen how to make things so improved, I felt I owed it to the people I work with to offer them the insights I had gained.

Dale: Juanita, I was extremely motivated to write "Marriage Magic!" because the feedback I receive from my clients is that they often "borrow" the tools I teach them and apply them to their personal lives and are delighted with the results. That was my impetus to want to offer the same tools to our readers.

Juanita: Dale, you and Karen are sisters who grew up in a home environment that was negative, conflict-ridden, and abusive. You have made it a point to not fall into the same familiar patterns of your parents with your own marriage. Was this a conscious effort and how did you manage to do this?

Dale: Yes Juanita, I do believe this was a conscious effort on my part. It has been a long journey of self-exploration and one that continues to unfold. I've always chosen to look closely at my own behavior and the ensuing outcomes, both professionally and personally. I think I've always known on a gut level that I needed to work on myself first before I could share my life with someone else. These are deep-seated values for me and therefore I waited to find someone to marry that shared my beliefs.

Juanita: Dale, what if your partner isn't willing to acknowledge that your relationship is in trouble?

Dale: It certainly is possible that our partner isn't willing to acknowledge that the relationship is in trouble. While we can't force someone to acknowledge something, we can make it a priority to express what we are experiencing and that will often "open the door" for more communication. It's also important to recognize that sometimes fear can prevent someone from opening up, so therefore we want to strive to make communication safe and respectful.

Juanita: How do you suggest your readers deal with feelings of disappointment, loss of hope and anger?

Dale: I would say the first place to start is to check and see if what you think you're feeling, is indeed what you're experiencing. In other words, sometimes we "feel" anger but if we explore further, we may in fact be experiencing "hurt" or "sadness." This is where "Marriage Magic!" is so valuable because readers can read about the emotion they're feeling and get a better idea if that's consistent with what they're experiencing. If it is, they'll learn how to handle the feeling and can try some of the corresponding exercises. Or, they may realize they're feeling something different than what they first thought. The most important thing is to pay attention to your feelings so you can learn how to manage them vs. ignore them.

Juanita: Your book is titled "Marriage Magic!” It gives me the impression of exciting and surprising results….Magic! What can readers expect from doing the exercises in your book?

Dale: That's exactly right, Juanita. Readers will learn that the exercises in many cases are simple to implement and have the potential to yield very positive outcomes. Perhaps the greatest value of the exercises is that readers learn how critical it is to make their relationships a priority.

Juanita: Do you think most people go into a marriage thinking it should be easy, only to find out that it take conscious attention and awareness?

Karen: I think most people don't really know what to expect in marriage. It's only been fairly recently that we have started to teach people the skills that they need to have a successful relationship. Most people think, like so many songs would have us believe, that love is what will carry us through.

Juanita: Would your book be helpful for someone who isn't married but would like to be?

Dale: That's a great question Juanita, and my answer is "yes." Whether someone is married or not, the importance of keeping communication open, respectful and clear will always be a tremendous asset. Since most marriages dissolve due to communication breakdowns, "Marriage Magic!" is a proactive step to take for those who desire to be married at some point.

Juanita: What sets your book apart from the myriad of self help books we have to choose from today?

Karen: Several things. Many people may be experiencing different emotions but don't quite know what they are feeling. Our book helps them to get a handle on their emotions, which will then make it easier to deal with them. Also, though most relationship books will teach communication skills, they don't explain why the skills are important and some people are unwilling to do things unless they understand why they are doing them. Another difference is that the entire book doesn't have to be read - people can pick and choose the parts of the book (the emotions and accompanying exercises) that pertain to them. Finally, we set up the book realizing that most likely it is women who will read it. And though you can't expect someone to change, usually if one person does something differently, the other person will react differently also. So, this is a relationship book that only has to be read by one person and can still be highly effective.

Juanita: Thank you for your insightful, exciting book "Marriage Magic!” I know your readers will be refreshed by your new approach to marital difficulties. Are there any last thoughts you'd like to share with your readers?

Karen: In this very stressful world, it is so easy to put your relationship on a back burner, but it's essential that you make the choice to prioritize it. And when you make the choice to do so, you can have a very powerful and magical relationship!

Dale: Communication is the key to fulfilling and lasting relationships on both a personal and professional level. The reality is that communication breakdowns will occur. The good news is that if we are committed to making our relationships a priority, we can learn the tools to repair our communication and fortify how we relate to others.